Tuesday, July 10, 2012

There is a problem.

I am about to leave for a vacation for a whole week.  No, that is not the problem.  There is zero wrong with that.  I'm very very very much looking forward to it.

The problem is that I'm a mere ten rows away from the finish line of my Queen's Garden, which is turning out beautifully, but here is the problem.  I don't have another project lined up.  Nothing.  I've been searching and searching for the next thing to make, and nothing is floating my boat.  I've got NINE glorious days off work, and not enough knitting to keep me busy.  I can't find just the right pattern.  This is a big problem.

I kind of want to make a sweater for myself, but I can't find just the right pattern.  I'd like to make something out of the yarn I have in my stash, which also kind of limits what to make.  But at this point, if I find the right thing that screams to me, I'll go buy a bunch of new yarn to make it just right.  I just can't find anything screaming.

I can tell you one thing though, in all my searching through patterns online, I have come up with a list of things I will not be knitting on my trip, nor do I ever need to knit.  Ever. 

Would you like to see them?  Of course you do.

Before I show them to you, I must make the following statement.  I understand the work and effort that goes into designing a knitted item.  I can't even attempt a scarf without a pattern sitting in front of me (unless it's something like plain old stockinette stitch, but that doesn't count).  So by posting these pictures, I mean absolutely no disrespect to the designers, or to you for that matter, if you think something here is gorgeous and would love to be the owner.  These are just items that are not really my cup of tea.

1.  A knit steering wheel cover.  It has been hot here, and my steering wheel is black.  I still cannot bring myself to think this looks appealing.

2.  A knit bathing suit.  I am cheap.  I tend to use cheap yarn when I make things.  But, I've spent lots and lots of time in the yarn store feeling and dreaming about making things with "the good stuff".  HOWEVER, I cannot think of a single kind of yarn that I'd like sitting in my nethers while I bathe in a pool, and even worse, after I get out of the pool and it starts to dry.  *shivers*

3.  A pair of knit trousers.  Especially made from camoflage looking yarn, or to wear hiking near a river.

4.  A knit cat sweater.  I consider myself to be more of a dog person than a cat person, but I don't hate cats either.  I don't find it necessary to wear them on a sweater.

5.  The pattern for this hat is called "Cat Corpse".  Maybe this would look cute on a child?  But I think the name kind of ruins it for me.

6.  Newborn nipple hat.  Ok, I'll admit this is a little funny, but also wrong on so many levels.  I wonder where this mom is nursing in public in front of a brick wall with absolutely no shirt on.  Good for her, I suppose?

7.  Nose warmer.  I don't even really know what to say about this.

8.  Sweaters from 1980 with humungous shoulder pads.  It never fails to make me giggle when looking through sweater patterns and some of these old old patterns are still out there.  I get that this was probably very fashionable back in the day, but this is a trend that I hope doesn't come back!  (since I couldn't figure out how to get rid of the logo from the Drops Design Studio, I do have to mention that the website really does have a ton of awesome free patterns that are very lovely, but they also have some of the funniest 80's sweaters I've seen!)

9.  A sweater with built in glove pockets that extend down past the bottom hem.  This might not be quite as silly if the sweater were longer and covered the gloves?

10.  Weird zebra sweater.  Now, I like animal print as much as the next girl, but... but...  this makes me thing that this woman has stuck her entire arm down the throat of that poor zebra.

11.  A knit beard.  Nope, can't see me ever needing one of these.  I think if I ever need a fake beard, one from the store might look a little better, and probably actually cost less.

12.  A knit hamburger.  Come on!  Make it the real deal or nothing.  I do like the plate this one is sitting on though!

13.  A crocheted granny square dress.  Even if I had that kind of body, I'm just thinking that this isn't very flattering.  No, I don't need to make one of these.  Or wear my hair in monkey ear buns.

14.  Ok.  Now really?  I can't believe something like this even exists!  I wonder what is so important and private that couldn't be done later on her laptop. 

Well, there are many many more things out there that I don't need to knit, but now I just need to find something that I DO need to knit, and fast.  I leave in four days!

Any ideas for me?  Any orders?  I'm not kidding.  Just preferably not one of the above listed patterns.  Go search for some patterns for me.  You might run into some funnies like I always do.  It makes me laugh, anyway...



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